Shakespeare

‘You see that pub over there,’ Jimmy said.
‘Yes,’ I replied.
‘William Shakespeare used to drink in that pub before he became a famous playwright. He used to sit and drink and wonder what he should do to make some cold hard cash.’
‘Piss off!’
‘Seriously,’ Jimmy said. ‘It’s a little known fact. One night, Willie starts a fight with some guy. They wreck the pace. Cursed the paint off the walls, bashed heads, the whole nine yards. The barkeeper is like; Shakespeare calm down or get out. And Shakespeare is like; thou churlish tickle-brained incontinent varlet!’
‘And then what happened?’ I asked.
‘The barkeeper told him he was bard.’

Come On The Guy’s A Fake

Fake News is in the, err, news. Did fake news influence the American election? It is all you read online. But before there was fake news there were fake obituaries. That is where the real money is. Forget e-books and royalties. Fake obituaries is where it is at. Want to take down a political opponent? Hit them with a fake obituary. When someone asks why they should vote for you instead of your opponent. Just reply: they’re dead. Haven’t you read their obituary? Its right here on the internet. Passed away last night after being killed by a robot.

I’ll make a killing.