Holden Caulfield of New York, America passed away on Thursday. Survived by his sister Phoebe and his red hunting cap. Holden died as a result of being strapped to the top of a nuclear bomb aimed at Moscow on Thursday. He disliked phonies, people and movies. Completely illiterate he read a lot of books anyway.

Mass Thursday at 11.00 am.

No flowers by request.

Ashes buried in Moscow in the hole where the Kremlin used to be.