William ‘Trigger’ Burton of Ballymun, Dublin died Thursday from a minor kidney infection and a gunshot wound to the back of his head. Survived by his wife Christina and his seventeen children, Trigger was an avid Star Wars fan who founded a drug empire built on massive cocaine shipments smuggled from Peru across the Atlantic by naïve and poverty stricken drug mules. An enterprising spirit and innovative entrepreneur Trigger disliked authority figures, gun laws and witnesses, he preferred exotic pharmacist to low life drug dealer and was a firm advocate of the living wage as long as that wage was to support a millionaire drug dealing, human trafficking lifestyle with property in Spain and salivating pit-bulls on a twenty-four carat gold leash.

A private memorial was held by his family. In lieu of flowers please donate money to a drug abuse charity of your choice.