‘One hundred Euro,’ Jimmy said nodding his head as I stared at all the exotic birds gathered in the auction room.

‘Two hundred,’ someone said from the opposite side of the room.

‘Two fifty,’ Jimmy retorted.

‘Three.’

‘Three fifty.’

‘Two thousand Euro and a one year supply of Tesco value beef burgers,’ Jimmy said and the room gasped at the audacious bid, even some of the exotic birds for sale ruffled their coloured feathers in their cages and look startled.

‘Two thousand Euro, going once, going twice–––––and gone. The talking parrot has been sold to the man in the Dora the Explorer costume and wig.’

‘Wow,’ I said. ‘Two thosuand Euro for a parrot.’

‘Remind me how much you make from writing all those books again?’ Jimmy retorted.

‘When I die, they will read those and say a genius wrote them.’

‘A genius possessed by the ghost of a fucking idiot ,’ Jimmy replied. ‘Anyway I have been guaranteed that this bird can speak fluent English. I’ll make a fortune on YouTube.’

‘If you say so but that auctioneer looks dodgy and who was that guy bidding against you. He really wanted that parrot.’

‘Probably some horrible, bestiality practicing, armpit fucker, I should imagine.’

We walked to the back of the auction and met the auctioneer who had the parrot in a cage.

‘This parrot better talk,’ Jimmy warned him. ‘Or I will find you and I will shove that parrot so far up your arse the world’s greatest Sat Nav will not be able to locate it.’

‘I guarantee it,’ said the auctioneer. ‘Who did you think was bidding against you?’