A long, long, long, time ago in a land of green and grey and rain, I witnessed the birth of an idiom, I was sitting in the back row of the classroom with my back turned to the class as punishment for ramming my knee against the underside of the desk and when everyone looked up at me I shrugged and said: Sorry, sir. Massive boner.
So there I was staring at the wall and thinking about the bad thing that I had done, when I heard the sound psst, psst.
I looked to my right and saw Jimmy sitting at his desk. He made a handjob gesture with his hands and nodded at Melissa Anderson who was sitting next to him and as sure as Lindsay Lohan will be found dead in a bath of alcohol and Mean Girls footage, she was giving him a handjob under the desk.
‘You’re so fucking hard,’ she whispered to him.
‘Tell me about it,’ Jimmy replied. ‘Try a little faster before it knocks a hole in the ceiling.’
‘I can’t go any faster without getting a first degree burn.’
‘Just hurry up.’
‘Well you have an unbelievably big cock. It’s the size of the Atlantic Ocean.’
‘Well, try going a bit harder then, it’s an erection not a touchscreen. I can’t feel a thing.’
There was a moments silence and then Jimmy yelled out in pain the immortal words: ‘You dumb slut, you’re pulling my leg.’
And that was how the expression ‘You are pulling my leg’ was conceived.