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A Survey Found One In Three Politicians Were Just As Stupid As The Other Two

‘There are so many surveys and statistics out there,’ I said. ‘On so many different things, I doubt if the majority of them are even real. I think some guy just sits in a room and makes them up.’

‘Yes,’ Jimmy replied. ‘And they stick in your head too.’

‘Exactly. Like I read that statistically speaking the average human will eat eight spiders in their lifetime while asleep. How did they test that? Obviously the person was asleep so there is no information there. Did they just secretly watch someone for their entire life like Jim Carrey in The Truman Show? Or did they just make that up to turn Arachnophobias into nervous wrecks?’

‘I know, Jimmy sighed. ‘I read this one survey that said men think about sex every eight seconds. Now I have to eat sausages in under six seconds so it doesn’t get weird.’

‘Yeah…that is weird, Jimmy.’

Consolidate All Your Cuts And Bruises Into One Gaping Wound!

I love those advertisements you see on television advising people who are in debt to borrow one huge sum of money from them, use it to pay off their loans and then—repay all the money you borrowed in one monthly payment.

What a brilliant idea! I don’t know why more people don’t do this.

Instead of worrying over bills and mortgage payments while ranting and raving at your bank manager, you can consolidate all your financial anguish and despair into one simple monthly outburst. Superb!

It’s like a professional boxer being given a choice: he can take another ten years of ten thousand jabs and punches to become Heavyweight Champion of the World or he can agree to be hit in the bollocks once with a hammer, a hammer with a hedgehog strapped to the end of it and become the Heavyweight Champion of the World instantly.

Mass Extinction

Earth may be in the early stages of a sixth mass extinction, an international team of scientists says.

I doubt if too many people are surprised by that. We hear it a lot. The dinosaurs were wiped out. Many different species have vanished off the face of the Earth. No one is invincible.

The world is 4.5 billion years old

The earliest fossils of anatomically modern humans are about 200,000 years old.

During this short period we have ransacked the planet for ways to get fuels and raw materials, have been the cause of extinction of an unthinkable amount of plants and animals, and have multiplied our population to that of a plague.

And Climate Change has fuck all to do with the fact that the Rhinoceros is nearly extinct (in South Africa poachers killed the last female rhino in the Krugersdorp Game Reserve near Johannesburg) it’s to do with Beyoncé’s handbags.

And it’s not like I believe the majority of humans are innately bad or evil, the opposite, I believe most people are good, they mean well and that  they have the moral imagination to put themselves in someone else’s shoes.

Unfortunately I believe that a small number of people have reached positions of power and authority and have taken advantage of the fact that humans are psychologically inclined to follow orders from people which directly conflict with their conscience as Stanley Milgram’s experiments proved.

And when a minority of greedy people get into a position of power their greed is amplified and echoes around the world, it’s like that old saying, give a man a fish, you feed him for a day, teach a man to fish, he’ll use up all the cod stocks in the Atlantic for shit loads of cash and drive blue fin tuna to the edge of extinction.