So Area 51 is not the figment of some tin foil hat wearing society. It does actually exist as the CIA has acknowledged for the first time the existence of Area 51 in newly declassified documents. The mysterious piece of land in Nevada has long been associated with reports of UFOs, alien bodies and secret government projects.
Of course, it was not used for alien autopsies but a place to test intelligence tools and weapons. I mean the evidence is pretty weak, do you expect me to believe that aliens created craft that could explore space and came all the way to earth to…leave cool patterns in our crops.
Maybe they were joyriding aliens that got drunk and stole a craft. Or perhaps they were art student aliens or an extraterrestrial Banksy.
And aliens on TV and in the movies always look too big and swollen to build the intricate crafts they zip around in. I do believe there is intelligent life out there, the evidence being they have decided to have fuck all to do with us.
Plus, I did actually have a really close encounter one time. I was in my garden when a craft landed and a strange looking, reptilian humanoid figure hopped out. He unzipped his shiny, silver, skin tight space trousers and masturbated all over my vegetable patch.
Then he walked towards me with an air of pure and utter defiance.
‘Damn,’ I said. ‘These fuckers mean business.’
‘Fear not Earth man,’ the alien said. ‘I come in peas.’
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